Fear, Adapting & The Egoic Mind - November Recap
November is in the books and we’ve got about 17 weeks before the race.
It hit me that after my recent long run we’ve got 16 more weekends…and probably 13-14 more weekend long run opportunities.
Time is flying by and, honestly, it terrifies me a bit.
I’m nowhere near where I think I need to be in order to run 50 miles on a grueling trail.
As I look forward I find it helpful to pause and look back at where I’ve been and what I’m learning, so forgive my ramblings a bit in this post…it’s primarily for me to brain dump and self-coach if I’m being honest.
The Fear Response
I’ve noticed something interesting lately.
As I get ready to do something new; a long run, like a distance I haven’t done before, or a new, steep trail I feel hesitation in my body.
I over think about the “what ifs” and the “what could go wrongs.”
It feels like a fear response building inside.
Slower movement.
Hesitating.
Calmer and more deliberate steps as I prepare.
Double checking my gear.
Going through the trail maps again and again.
Thinking through the details multiple times.
And generally just feeling afraid.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of not being able to make it through the distance, up the mountain, etc.
It’s there every time I’m doing a new distance or a new trail.
Anticipation, apprehension and fear.
Strange right?
Nonsensical isn’t it?
I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I don’t make a distance and I have to go back and try again another day?
So what.
Who cares?
But, right now that state of fear, anxiety and anticipation is my companion.
So, I continue to move forward and chase 1sts.
Firsts, as I talked about in the last entry, are first times doing something.
A new distance shows me, shows my nervous system, my mind and my body that I can do it.
Doing a new trail maps it in my psyche.
Getting out in the extreme weather builds resilience in my mind and shows my ego that I don’t need to listen to it when it tells me that something may be “too hard.”
1sts are a critical part of my overall strategy and I’m chasing them liberally at this point.
I’m also finding where my pockets of resistance are and am actively pursuing them.
Tactics & Strategies
If, for instance, I find that it takes me longer to get to the trail in the morning because I’m triple checking the gear I pack the night before the next time out.
I download the map on my phone from the All Trails site to make sure I don’t have to think about it in the morning.
I study that map over a cup of tea prior to bed so my mind can digest it while I sleep.
I find every way I can to shorten the distance from thought to action.
Wherever there is resistance I try to move faster towards it.
So far it's working well and the high points and 1sts keep stacking up.
The Egoic Mind
I was talking to a client recently, who works in the psychology/behavioral change space about the egoic mind and what he does/what he tells his clients/patients to do when the egoic mind jumps in and says “you can’t do this.”
We’ve had a few discussions about this and I find it interesting to hear how others handle those thoughts.
Recently, in episode 182 of The Evolved Man with Steve Cutler podcast I talked with Sarah Welsh about her strategy.
Sarah mentioned not arguing with the voice and just using, as my client Scott calls “radical acceptance.”
When the mind says “you can’t do that!” responding with “you may be right, but I’m going to try anyway.” This technique of non-argument and just taking action can be very powerful.
I’ve used this technique from time to time and find it helpful.
I believe that the ego is constantly working to protect us and keep us safe.
“You can’t do this” is simply a statement designed from past experience of not doing the thing and helping us avoid failure.
Often, however, I've used another technique I find to be very effective.
The other day, for instance, I was pushing some 1sts and working toward a new high point.
I had scheduled to do a new trail (1st) for my newest long run (high point).
It just so happened that the day I had scheduled to tackle this challenge it was the first big snow storm of the year.
Sideways snow and what, I’m assuming ended up being temps in the teens and twenties at the higher elevations started to wear me down as the miles piled on.
About 3600 feet of elevation gain in I was reaching my turn around point.
Less than 0.2 miles from my turn around my mind kept negotiating.
“You don’t have to go the full distance.”
“You’ve already gone far enough.”
“The hill is so steep…you could get hurt.”
“It’s ok to turn around now…you can just run a little extra when you get to the bottom to hit your mileage.”
Relentlessly my egoic mind fought for attention.
Recognizing what was going on I stopped, looked at the steep slope and said out loud - “fuck off…I’m finishing.”
No more thoughts.
No more pleading.
No more excuses.
No more negotiating.
In that moment my egoic mind gave way to my decision.
I finished the 0.2 miles and the final climb of what I'm assuming was an 18 - 20% grade.
Telling the egoic mind to stop, in no uncertain terms has worked well for me previously and worked again this time.
I’m curious - if you are reading this post - what do you do? How do you quiet your egoic mind to keep moving forward?
Just Barely Made It
November was a month of high points, injury and durability.
In my last post I talked about two key principles that guide my training - high points and 1sts.
The last day of November represented a few high points and a few firsts.
High Points
Achieved my longest trail run/hike ever
Did this trail run/hike with a significant elevation gain
This ended the month with high points in
Total time trained
Total mileage achieved
Total elevation gained
1sts
First time on the new trail
1st big snowstorm of the year
1st time training this hard, this long in extreme weather (sub 30 with sideways wind)
1st time utilizing my new Black Diamond trail running spikes
November ended up being particularly hard because, while attempting a high point on my barbell split squat I felt a pop in my groin and had been limited on what I could do afterward.
I couldn’t run for about 2-3 weeks and am still limited on my stride and duration on my running.
While I hit a new high point on the split squat for the first 4 sets, set 5 was that one that led to the injury.
To adapt I bought a walking pad to go under my desk and I’ve been working on getting miles in while working.
I was determined to finish the month with a new high in total distance and total elevation gained.
I just barely made it in both.
I beat October’s mileage by 2.5 miles.
I beat October’s elevation gain by 178 feet.
If I stopped short on the final day I wouldn’t have won.
If I stopped short on the final run I would have missed my mark.
I just barely made it and worked hard to become more durable.
November’s unplanned theme was adapt, overcome and do what it took to BE durable.
Until next time - keep rolling!
